FRIDAY FUNNIES

And that’s how the fight started……

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Friday Funnies is a chance to share your wild and crazy stories. Whether it’s a personal story or just something that strikes you as funny. Let’s laugh and have some fun, but keep it clean, cuz I’m a watchin’ **wink wink**

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laughing

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One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started

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My wife walked into the den & asked “Whats on the TV?”
I replied “Dust”

And that’s how the fight started

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A woman is  looking at her body in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
‘The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s how the fight started

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that’s how the fight started

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’

And that’s how the fight started

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Ok, anything tickling your funny bone lately?

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4 Responses to FRIDAY FUNNIES

  1. Kat says:

    On my work blog I asked readers to submit jokes to make me laugh on my birthday. I gave a prize for the best one.

    This is the one that made me laugh the hardest. It’s called An Italian Boy’s Confession: (considering that the hero in my mss is an Italian Catholic AND that I have a friend who shares the last name as the little boy in the joke, I got quite the kick out of it) .

    ‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl’.

    The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?’
    ‘Yes, Father, it is.’

    ‘And who was the girl you were with?’
    ‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’

    Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

    Was it Maria Minetti?’
    ‘I cannot say.’

    ‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?’
    ‘I’ll never tell.’

    ‘Was it Nina Capelli?’
    ‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her..’

    ‘Was it Cathy Piriano?’
    ‘My 2 lips are sealed.’

    ‘Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?’
    ‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’

    The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’

    Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’

    4 months vacation and five good leads.

    Oh, that is so bad, but I giggled all day long about it.

    Happy Friday!

  2. Tracy Keck says:

    Hehehe…

    A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed.

    Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

    There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

    Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made it’s way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. “Stay out of those,” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”

  3. Billy Coffey says:

    Oh I love that last one…

  4. gzusfreek says:

    yeah, the cold cream . . .hee hee
    Happy weekend!

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